Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Flusher Flukes
It was also an enlightening time for me because I realized just how much I hate automatic toilet flushers. The wedding was in Indiana and we were driving from Pennsylvania. 12 hours into the trip and many potty stops later, I remembered how much I sincerely abhor automatic flushers. In fact, I may have yelled "I hate automatic flushers!" in one of the public restrooms only to have another woman chime in "me too!" We then connected on the 'woes of automatic flushers', and let me tell you, there are many!
One: I hate that before I've even sat down, it begins flushing! I call this the 'anxious flusher'. Little guy, chill. I just opened the door, why are you so sensitive?! Not only is that a complete waste of water, but it's also annoying.
Two: Then you have what I'd like to call the 'eager flusher'. You know, the one that's constantly flushing the ENTIRE flippin' time you're on! The main reason why I hate this one is because it makes me feel slow. Like I'm some kind of special needs pee-er. Like somehow there's a time limit and I somehow exceeded it and therefore the little guy needs to remind me that it's time to get off... time and time again, and again. And then I end up taking longer because I'm just so nervous and can't pee with all the flushing that's happening! It's the absolute worst feeling. I've actually found myself yelling over the flushing water, "wait, I'm not done!" As if the little guy is going to hear me and adjust it's attitude. PS- it never does.
Three: Then you have the 'heck-no-I-won't-flush'. This is like the complete opposite of #2. You've sat down. You've peed. And then you're standing there.... waiting. "ok, you can flush now"... "come on, just flush!" You dance a little in front of the porcelin God, you flap your arms like you're in some weirdo Jane Fonda workout video, you wave, you jump, you turn around, shake some more. Only to realize that it's never going to budge and you feel incredibly stupid because you're sure that someone is behind that thing having a really great laugh. Then you feel even more dumb when you realize that there's a tiny little black button above the laser sensor that you can push in case the little guy is stubborn. So you reach for the button, and then he changes his mind and flushes. You've just spent a good 10 minutes dancing and sweating trying to get the laser to take notice and cooperate, only to have it go when its "found out." It's like a flush in the face.
Four: The entire thing makes me feel like it's just too easy and it's not as satisfying. I mean, what happened to the days when I had to work for my flush, you know. When I had to actually move the handle, or turn it, or twist it. I felt accomplished. I felt like I achieved something. This just feels like a rip-off. I mean, I'm the one that peed, why do you get to flush? I worked for that flush, I earned that flush. I just feel robbed. *sigh*
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Philemon who?
Seriously though, it made me think a number of things that I’m going to try my best to articulate in a manner that hopefully makes sense. As I have been plagued since birth by this need to make a difference (shocking, I’m sure for those who know me well, ha!)…and wanting those who call themselves Christians and the Church to really wake up to the world around them. To care about the poor, to be invested in the lives of the broken, to give until it hurts, to just be Christ!! As I ache to change the church culture and change what it means to be a believer, so that we move from the safety of the pew to impacting a hurting world…I was hit by Paul’s example.
Paul in his letter to Philemon never calls for an overthrow of the system of slavery, in fact, it says that he pleads and appeals to Philemon on the basis of love for Onesimus, who he now refers to as his son. (vs.9-10). Yet Paul’s actions destroy slavery! He basically stands in the gap for this slave, now his dear friend and he takes on whatever Onesimus owed Philemon (apparently he stole from his master before escaping). Paul even calls him “his very heart”…wow, what love! He did exactly what Jesus did and does for us! He took on this slave’s debt, loved him like a son, treated him with love, he pleaded for him and set things right with his owner, and he was able to get his freedom.
I was reminded from Paul’s example that great social changes come when people’s hearts are changed, one broken heart at a time. I can sometimes get frustrated with the Church and feel like they need to just get their acts together and start caring about things that actually matter, caring about social justice and serving the world. But I realized that in a society that still struggles with racism, is so focused on getting more, and making more, and consuming more, and being more, and dealing with so many other horrific injustices…I realized that these things cannot be eliminated by laws alone…a change of heart has to happen. One heart at a time; beginning with ours.
So it’s made me think of my own heart. When was the last time I stood up for someone and pleaded their cause? Stood in the gap for a friend? Or better yet, has my heart been so dramatically changed to the point where it causes change in others? Where it inspires people to re-engage with the things that God has a heart for? And where that heart and mind change hopefully brings about great and lasting social changes in our world…or at least gets us moving in that direction.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Crazy little thing called Love...
These verses have carved a path in my mind and heart in a whole new way as I just sat there reading them over and over and asking myself, “Wow, do I really love God in that way? Can I truly say that I love God with ALL my heart, ALL my soul, my entire mind, etc.? “All” is pretty intense. That’s like, you know, everything. And do I really have the verse in the correct order? I mean, these 2 verses are in order for a reason. We can’t love our neighbors that way we need to if we don’t first love God…it’s incredibly futile and so shallow. We actually can’t even love ourselves the way we need to if God is not first! We’re incapable of loving in a way that is truly selfless and that will radically change the world if we don’t first let God be our absolute First Love, Obsession, Passion, Addiction; our very Heart, Soul, Mind, Strength…. to love Him with our being…our person.
I couldn’t even read anything else. I didn’t need to. I sobbed and confessed the places where I let “ministry” and “service” be the First, I asked for forgiveness as I realized how poorly I love God. I hated that I didn’t love Him the way I should or desire to. And then I asked Him to teach me to love Him better. Isn’t it so ironic that even the things that we want to do we can’t even begin to do without Him? It starts with Him and ends with Him, it’s pretty wild! So even though I desire to love God, I mean I really do, really…but I just can’t without Him!! I can’t even do that without HIM showing me how and teaching me how!! And I also can’t even begin to love God, or anyone for that matter, if I don’t first receive His Love for me. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” Again, a very familiar verse, I know this…I think I got some kind of chewy lifesavers once in Sunday School for mindlessly spitting it out. Oh, if I only knew what the heck that meant then, and man, if I can only begin to scratch the surface of that now. We cannot and will not love God, ourselves, or others well until we learn to receive. Until we learn to just let God love on us like crazy, to be totally and completely spoiled rotten (or rather, spoiled good!) in His Love. I have no idea what that fully looks like. You’re talking to the girl who has a hard time receiving everyday compliments; it’s as if certain parts of my heart are made out of Teflon…it just slips right off! I think that is one of the hardest things for us to do in our society and our generation, to just receive. I began to ask myself why I resist it, and what causes me not to receive and wondered why we all have such a difficult time with that. I believe that our past, hurts, and fears get in the way, at least they do for me. I wish that I had more intelligent answers on how to receive well, I don’t. But I want us to at least start asking. And better yet, I want us to direct that question to the right person.
The Lord has in many ways forced me to sit and receive His Love this past year in a number of incredibly unique ways. Places that are too many to recount, although I cherish each moment and still tear up thinking about them. From the small everyday things, like smiles, sunsets, and music; to conversations that brought me hope, emails that encouraged me, mission trips that expanded my heart and changed my life, and gestures that are beyond extravagant. I am and have been touched by the things that people seem to think are tiny and insignificant and I have been overwhelmed by His Love sometimes to the point where I can’t bear it, it’s just too much. His Goodness overwhelms me and I can only cry in response, because well, I honestly don’t know how to take it all in! My prayer for many of my dear friends and family has been that we would receive, with arms wide open, so that we can richly and generously give! I want us to serve out of our response to His Great Ridiculous Love for us!! And that our response would be to fully love Him first, and then to allow that Love to move us in radical ways towards others. I want our every action and thought to be motivated by Him! That what I do and why comes out of my direct response to Him…that I just can’t help but love in that crazy ridiculous sort of way!! That I can’t help but give, and go, and stay, and then do it all over again the next day!
Friends, I know that most of you have probably thought about this and maybe this whole “love God and others” thing is like nothing new to any of you. But honestly, it has sincerely blown me away to truly sit, meditate, and ask myself some really hard questions about what it means to allow God to love on me, to allow that love to reek havoc on my insides and cause me to do things for Him and for others that I wouldn’t dream of doing!
I’m in the beginning stages of just learning what it means to allow God to fully love me, to receive, and then be able to love in a way that glorifies Him. To completely love God, to completely love myself (can’t love your neighbor as yourself if you are your own worst enemy, tricky!), and to therefore be able to completely love others…. boldly, fearlessly, and recklessly. In the everyday mundane and the places that sting, in the betrayals, loss, and suffering. In a way that’s sacrificial, bold, and daring. In a way that Honors Him and that rocks our World, in a way that’s radical and constant.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Killer Koalas!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
What the Crap?!!...No, Really, What is this Crap??
So the moral of the story is this kids, Creative is good, Crap is bad. In any Country, in any shape, form, or smell…it’s just never been good. And it does get crusty if it’s really hot out, which makes it even worse. So get creative, don’t get crap, and if you do, wash off immediately and preferably not in a public drinking fountain.
Friday, January 4, 2008
What do you see?
After I graduated from Penn State I got accepted into a program called Teach For America, this program focuses on educational inequality and purposefully places teachers in urban and rural areas that are extremely rough. These are some of the worst schools in the U.S. and in some of the toughest parts. I was placed in a school that had a 50% dropout rate in the projects and was primarily made of Black and some Hispanic students. The area was number one in AIDS/HIV, teenage pregnancy, and drug trafficking. Filled with extreme poverty, some major drug problems, as well as violence.... the community as a whole was in a very desperate condition. I was placed in a behavioral classroom because none of the other teachers would teach these students. They were known as the worst of the worst, and in a place this rough, that's pretty bad! Their ages ranged from 14 to 21, and I was 22 years young and fresh out of college. By law they needed to be served till the age of 21 because of their severe behavioral and emotional problems.
As I watched this movie, it made me really miss my students. It took me back to that time and that place that seems stuck somewhere in my mind. To this day I've never really figured out how to translate my experience and how to share it with others. It took me to a time where I thought, "God I so desperately want to make a difference in these students' lives, but where in the world do I begin? And how?" I can remember all their faces, names, looks, and ridiculous behaviors. Most importantly, I can relate to her desire to see them succeed and having eyes to see them as so much more than they've ever seen themselves as. I have plenty of insane stories, memories of things that seem completely surreal and just plain outrageous! I remember the very first fight that broke out in my class and how terrified I was...how in the world do I stop a 6 foot dude from punching a 5 foot girl in the face?? I couldn't even believe that physical fights broke out between guys and girls; I figured it would be at least same gender. But I can also remember that same guy thanking me when he passed his exam that would allow him the chance to graduate, something that he never thought he could achieve. He didn't even really know how to thank me, he sorta stuttered and said something along the lines of "Ay, Miss A., I just wanna say...you know, I'm just sayin', you know...thanks". I remember telling him that I had nothing to do with his success, that he was able to achieve this because he worked hard and that he was able to accomplish even greater things. I told him that I was extremely proud of him and that he needed to go home and tell his mom how well he's done...and that he now has a chance to graduate. It was one the most cherished moments for me and I will forever remember it. I have many hard stories mixed in with many wonderful ones too and several things that I learned as I journeyed alongside some of these so-called "behavioral students". But one of the greatest things that I learned was that we need to look at people with great hope, anticipation, and that we need push them to reach their full potential. Many had given up on these students and many viewed me as "the young naive teacher who's way too idealistic and just doesn't know any better". I'd rather fall under that banner time and time again, then land where so many have landed...in hopelessness and giving up on these incredible students.
You see, God sees people...He really SEES THEM!! They matter to Him. He looks at you and me and sees us where we're at, but also where we can be and could be. He looks at me with eyes full of GREAT HOPE, POTENTIAL, and HE CHEERS FOR ME EVEN WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING!!!!!! His unfailing love pushes us to be the people that we've never thought we could be, His love says "I know you, I know where you're right in this moment, I know your mess ups and mistakes, and I also know who you can be...and who you are. YOU ARE NOT DISPOSABLE. You are my child, I delight over you, you bring me joy, I sing over you because you make my heart skip when I see you...I not only love you, but I really, really like you too! I'm crazy about you, you matter, and you are good...so, so incredibly good. Regardless of your past, your future is FULL of new and promising things; life changing things! I just can't wait for you to see yourself as you really are."
One thing that would stick in my mind every morning before my students walked into the room was this crazy statement that I heard in my training...."For every bad or negative thing that a person hears, seven positive or good things need to be communicated to that person in order to just bring them back to square one." This basically means that I need to meaningfully and truthfully articulate seven positive things to them in order to just bring them back to equilibrium, to bring them back to the starting point. It's not even a compliment; it's just the basic starting grounds! I thought about that everyday as my students would walk in and I would wonder, "How many bad things were said to you today? How many awful things were hurled in your direction?" And I would make it a point to celebrate them, to sincerely point out the good that I saw and make sure to name it specifically...to speak HOPE into them! They thought I was crazy..."Dag Miss A, you always say this crazy stuff, you exaggerate". You see, they didn't believe that there was any good in them, they were taught for so long that they were disposable and "bad", and they sadly believed it. Then I come around and say the exact opposite because I know that God sees them as not just "ok or good, but GREAT!"...He sees them with eyes of Hope! It took a while for them to believe it, but they slowly began to change and for some of them it was the first time that anyone has ever believe in them or thought anything good about them. By the end of the year, these so-called "failures" stunned an Administration by passing the exam that had kept them from graduating time and again. No students had passed it the year before me, and there were 15 teachers in and out of that room, I was the first EVER full-time teacher that they had! By the end of my first year teaching, 32 students passed, setting the highest number of "bad" kids passing this exam in the entire history of the school!! They had never, ever seen that happened.
I don't share this to "toot my own horn"; in fact, it's the complete opposite. I share this as a testimony to what GOD can do when we allow Him to use us and when we begin to see people through HIS EYES! When we begin to ask for His Perspective, His Hope, and His Love...He changes us and those around us as well because He unveils our eyes to see the worth of people, the value, and the great, great potential and hope. He brings beauty to the ashes that surround us. He makes us a sweet fragrance in a place that can seem dry, sour, and harsh. I'm not this amazing teacher, I just loved these students like crazy and they knew that I deeply cared for them. I just bought into what God says about people...they matter and they are good and not one single one is disposable or hopeless. Every single person matters to Him and therefore should matter to us. I hope that God continues to unveil our eyes to see the great beauty around us, His greatest treasure, His greatest masterpiece, His greatest love...people.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
you choose
It's around 6:30am and I've been up for quite some time because I couldn't really sleep. Partly because since I came back from Rwanda my internal clock's been totally off. And partly because I'm just off, period. Rwanda has messed me up folks! It was a wonderful experience to go and work with street children in Rwanda (I was there from May 24-June 6), but it's also been extremely difficult adjusting back here. In so many ways God has been tremendously gracious with me as I make my way back home and I am grateful for all that He's showing and teaching me.
There are many stories to tell and many thoughts that are floating around my head. But for the sake of the blog world, I'll narrow this story to just one for right now. We were in Rwanda working at a boys home that was set-up for boys who used to live on the streets because they were orphaned by the genocide, AIDS/HIV, or extreme poverty. The man who established and runs that home is a genocide survivor who has a heart for reaching street children. They are AMAZING people and incredibly full of life and beauty!!
One of the days when we were at the boys home, we bought a bale of clothing and shoes to give to the villagers living in the surrounding area. The people who are living in the area are extremely poor and their living conditions are pretty awful. Most of the kids are filthy and have tattered clothing (if any). It's a hard thing to take in because they are the most beautiful children, with lively spirits, contagious laughter, and winning smiles. I just adore them!
In less than 10 minutes, the entire village had somehow heard about the clothing giveaway and was camped outside the boys home. I guess word travels fast when it comes to free clothes and shoes…and this is without the use of cell phones and internet ? It was quite the scene, people of all ages standing outside waiting to be called in 5 at a time to get clothes for either themselves or their kids. We would take the kids and walk them through the makeshift clothing stations…first get a shirt, then go get some pants, and lastly get some shoes and then we'd circle again with a different kid. The oddest thing that I kept noticing was as I would take the kids around and ask them "do you want the pink or red shirt?" and they would just nod or stare at me. I couldn't understand why it was so hard for them to choose. Was it the language? No, because I would hold two shirts up and point to them…using grandiose non-verbal gestures and actions, it was a pretty clear mime. Yet, I couldn't get any one of my kids to choose ever. At one point I just stopped and looked around and noticed that it was the same with the rest of my team…not one of us could get them to just pick between two items. It then all made sense. I'm not sure if you've ever experienced that before, but all of a sudden I had this acute sense of clarity. All the pieces fit. I realized then that they didn't know how to choose because they've never had to before. You see, they've never been given the opportunity or privilege to choose between items before. They owned one shirt. Maybe one pair of pants (maybe). And most were barefoot. There was never a choice! Here we are then, coming in and pointing to two shirts and saying "which one?" and they're just staring or nodding yes, not sure how to respond to such a question. It seemed absurd and just odd to make such an inquiry. I stopped asking right then and would just literally place shirts and pants in their hands and wrap their arms around it. I realized at that exact moment the gift of choice. You see, we are so incredibly privileged that choice is not even something we consider a gift. We wake up each and every morning and choose which shirt to wear with what pants or skirt. We choose what shoes to match the outfit, and what accessories would go with the rest of the ensemble. We choose the cologne, perfume, or body spray. All these choices most of us make daily and sub-consciously…and its all one big huge gift!! Crazy huh? …To think that our ability to choose speaks to the level of affluence that we have and I bet that most of us don't even realize or see it as such. I know I didn't. Our ability to choose, pick, select is a huge blessing in and of itself. Just the fact that you can choose is a gift!
So instead of being frustrated sometimes because of having to make those choices of what to wear, where to eat, where to go, etc…thank God for the opportunity and Gift of Choice. And let's go make some other good choices that make lasting impressions.
What will you choose today?