I always wondered how the book of Philemon made it in the Bible. I mean really, it’s like one chapter! But as I was reading it today (since it’s short and I’m still in the recovery process…hmm…maybe that’s why it’s in there!)…anyway, I was really struck by Paul’s plea for Onesimus, the escaped slave, now a dear friend of Paul’s. So Onesimus was Philemon’s slave, he then skipped town, somewhere down the line meets Paul who leads Him to Christ, and now Paul is sending him back to Philemon, but Paul is really pleading on Onesimus’s behalf and really wants Philemon to allow him to return and stay with Paul. I know; it’s just so much drama!
Seriously though, it made me think a number of things that I’m going to try my best to articulate in a manner that hopefully makes sense. As I have been plagued since birth by this need to make a difference (shocking, I’m sure for those who know me well, ha!)…and wanting those who call themselves Christians and the Church to really wake up to the world around them. To care about the poor, to be invested in the lives of the broken, to give until it hurts, to just be Christ!! As I ache to change the church culture and change what it means to be a believer, so that we move from the safety of the pew to impacting a hurting world…I was hit by Paul’s example.
Paul in his letter to Philemon never calls for an overthrow of the system of slavery, in fact, it says that he pleads and appeals to Philemon on the basis of love for Onesimus, who he now refers to as his son. (vs.9-10). Yet Paul’s actions destroy slavery! He basically stands in the gap for this slave, now his dear friend and he takes on whatever Onesimus owed Philemon (apparently he stole from his master before escaping). Paul even calls him “his very heart”…wow, what love! He did exactly what Jesus did and does for us! He took on this slave’s debt, loved him like a son, treated him with love, he pleaded for him and set things right with his owner, and he was able to get his freedom.
I was reminded from Paul’s example that great social changes come when people’s hearts are changed, one broken heart at a time. I can sometimes get frustrated with the Church and feel like they need to just get their acts together and start caring about things that actually matter, caring about social justice and serving the world. But I realized that in a society that still struggles with racism, is so focused on getting more, and making more, and consuming more, and being more, and dealing with so many other horrific injustices…I realized that these things cannot be eliminated by laws alone…a change of heart has to happen. One heart at a time; beginning with ours.
So it’s made me think of my own heart. When was the last time I stood up for someone and pleaded their cause? Stood in the gap for a friend? Or better yet, has my heart been so dramatically changed to the point where it causes change in others? Where it inspires people to re-engage with the things that God has a heart for? And where that heart and mind change hopefully brings about great and lasting social changes in our world…or at least gets us moving in that direction.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Crazy little thing called Love...
A few weeks ago, early on a Sunday morning, I had it out with God. Do you ever do that? Just straight up wrestle with God? Maybe because I’m a bit feisty, or so I’m told, but honestly it was just a raw time of flat-on-my-face weeping and pouring out my heart to Him sorta worship/praying time. Telling Him that I’m frustrated because I want to hear from Him so desperately and feel like He’s not saying a word, asking Him to speak…to say anything, I didn’t even care what!! I wanted to hear His voice; I wanted to know that He’s there…period. I opened my Bible and only read Mark 12: 30-31, which says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” I’ve read these verses a million times before, I heard sermons on them, I’ve seen them on cheesy bumper stickers; they were so familiar and yet totally struck me in completely different light that morning. That’s all that I got through, just these 2 verses and was totally hit with the depth of that. I went on to read a bit of Henry Nouwen, keep in mind I hadn’t begun this book at all, so I was floored when the first chapter mentioned these exact 2 verses. I just stopped and started crying because I knew in that moment that God was answering my prayer, He was speaking to me and I was beyond overwhelmed and so grateful to hear His voice!!
These verses have carved a path in my mind and heart in a whole new way as I just sat there reading them over and over and asking myself, “Wow, do I really love God in that way? Can I truly say that I love God with ALL my heart, ALL my soul, my entire mind, etc.? “All” is pretty intense. That’s like, you know, everything. And do I really have the verse in the correct order? I mean, these 2 verses are in order for a reason. We can’t love our neighbors that way we need to if we don’t first love God…it’s incredibly futile and so shallow. We actually can’t even love ourselves the way we need to if God is not first! We’re incapable of loving in a way that is truly selfless and that will radically change the world if we don’t first let God be our absolute First Love, Obsession, Passion, Addiction; our very Heart, Soul, Mind, Strength…. to love Him with our being…our person.
I couldn’t even read anything else. I didn’t need to. I sobbed and confessed the places where I let “ministry” and “service” be the First, I asked for forgiveness as I realized how poorly I love God. I hated that I didn’t love Him the way I should or desire to. And then I asked Him to teach me to love Him better. Isn’t it so ironic that even the things that we want to do we can’t even begin to do without Him? It starts with Him and ends with Him, it’s pretty wild! So even though I desire to love God, I mean I really do, really…but I just can’t without Him!! I can’t even do that without HIM showing me how and teaching me how!! And I also can’t even begin to love God, or anyone for that matter, if I don’t first receive His Love for me. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” Again, a very familiar verse, I know this…I think I got some kind of chewy lifesavers once in Sunday School for mindlessly spitting it out. Oh, if I only knew what the heck that meant then, and man, if I can only begin to scratch the surface of that now. We cannot and will not love God, ourselves, or others well until we learn to receive. Until we learn to just let God love on us like crazy, to be totally and completely spoiled rotten (or rather, spoiled good!) in His Love. I have no idea what that fully looks like. You’re talking to the girl who has a hard time receiving everyday compliments; it’s as if certain parts of my heart are made out of Teflon…it just slips right off! I think that is one of the hardest things for us to do in our society and our generation, to just receive. I began to ask myself why I resist it, and what causes me not to receive and wondered why we all have such a difficult time with that. I believe that our past, hurts, and fears get in the way, at least they do for me. I wish that I had more intelligent answers on how to receive well, I don’t. But I want us to at least start asking. And better yet, I want us to direct that question to the right person.
The Lord has in many ways forced me to sit and receive His Love this past year in a number of incredibly unique ways. Places that are too many to recount, although I cherish each moment and still tear up thinking about them. From the small everyday things, like smiles, sunsets, and music; to conversations that brought me hope, emails that encouraged me, mission trips that expanded my heart and changed my life, and gestures that are beyond extravagant. I am and have been touched by the things that people seem to think are tiny and insignificant and I have been overwhelmed by His Love sometimes to the point where I can’t bear it, it’s just too much. His Goodness overwhelms me and I can only cry in response, because well, I honestly don’t know how to take it all in! My prayer for many of my dear friends and family has been that we would receive, with arms wide open, so that we can richly and generously give! I want us to serve out of our response to His Great Ridiculous Love for us!! And that our response would be to fully love Him first, and then to allow that Love to move us in radical ways towards others. I want our every action and thought to be motivated by Him! That what I do and why comes out of my direct response to Him…that I just can’t help but love in that crazy ridiculous sort of way!! That I can’t help but give, and go, and stay, and then do it all over again the next day!
Friends, I know that most of you have probably thought about this and maybe this whole “love God and others” thing is like nothing new to any of you. But honestly, it has sincerely blown me away to truly sit, meditate, and ask myself some really hard questions about what it means to allow God to love on me, to allow that love to reek havoc on my insides and cause me to do things for Him and for others that I wouldn’t dream of doing!
I’m in the beginning stages of just learning what it means to allow God to fully love me, to receive, and then be able to love in a way that glorifies Him. To completely love God, to completely love myself (can’t love your neighbor as yourself if you are your own worst enemy, tricky!), and to therefore be able to completely love others…. boldly, fearlessly, and recklessly. In the everyday mundane and the places that sting, in the betrayals, loss, and suffering. In a way that’s sacrificial, bold, and daring. In a way that Honors Him and that rocks our World, in a way that’s radical and constant.
These verses have carved a path in my mind and heart in a whole new way as I just sat there reading them over and over and asking myself, “Wow, do I really love God in that way? Can I truly say that I love God with ALL my heart, ALL my soul, my entire mind, etc.? “All” is pretty intense. That’s like, you know, everything. And do I really have the verse in the correct order? I mean, these 2 verses are in order for a reason. We can’t love our neighbors that way we need to if we don’t first love God…it’s incredibly futile and so shallow. We actually can’t even love ourselves the way we need to if God is not first! We’re incapable of loving in a way that is truly selfless and that will radically change the world if we don’t first let God be our absolute First Love, Obsession, Passion, Addiction; our very Heart, Soul, Mind, Strength…. to love Him with our being…our person.
I couldn’t even read anything else. I didn’t need to. I sobbed and confessed the places where I let “ministry” and “service” be the First, I asked for forgiveness as I realized how poorly I love God. I hated that I didn’t love Him the way I should or desire to. And then I asked Him to teach me to love Him better. Isn’t it so ironic that even the things that we want to do we can’t even begin to do without Him? It starts with Him and ends with Him, it’s pretty wild! So even though I desire to love God, I mean I really do, really…but I just can’t without Him!! I can’t even do that without HIM showing me how and teaching me how!! And I also can’t even begin to love God, or anyone for that matter, if I don’t first receive His Love for me. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” Again, a very familiar verse, I know this…I think I got some kind of chewy lifesavers once in Sunday School for mindlessly spitting it out. Oh, if I only knew what the heck that meant then, and man, if I can only begin to scratch the surface of that now. We cannot and will not love God, ourselves, or others well until we learn to receive. Until we learn to just let God love on us like crazy, to be totally and completely spoiled rotten (or rather, spoiled good!) in His Love. I have no idea what that fully looks like. You’re talking to the girl who has a hard time receiving everyday compliments; it’s as if certain parts of my heart are made out of Teflon…it just slips right off! I think that is one of the hardest things for us to do in our society and our generation, to just receive. I began to ask myself why I resist it, and what causes me not to receive and wondered why we all have such a difficult time with that. I believe that our past, hurts, and fears get in the way, at least they do for me. I wish that I had more intelligent answers on how to receive well, I don’t. But I want us to at least start asking. And better yet, I want us to direct that question to the right person.
The Lord has in many ways forced me to sit and receive His Love this past year in a number of incredibly unique ways. Places that are too many to recount, although I cherish each moment and still tear up thinking about them. From the small everyday things, like smiles, sunsets, and music; to conversations that brought me hope, emails that encouraged me, mission trips that expanded my heart and changed my life, and gestures that are beyond extravagant. I am and have been touched by the things that people seem to think are tiny and insignificant and I have been overwhelmed by His Love sometimes to the point where I can’t bear it, it’s just too much. His Goodness overwhelms me and I can only cry in response, because well, I honestly don’t know how to take it all in! My prayer for many of my dear friends and family has been that we would receive, with arms wide open, so that we can richly and generously give! I want us to serve out of our response to His Great Ridiculous Love for us!! And that our response would be to fully love Him first, and then to allow that Love to move us in radical ways towards others. I want our every action and thought to be motivated by Him! That what I do and why comes out of my direct response to Him…that I just can’t help but love in that crazy ridiculous sort of way!! That I can’t help but give, and go, and stay, and then do it all over again the next day!
Friends, I know that most of you have probably thought about this and maybe this whole “love God and others” thing is like nothing new to any of you. But honestly, it has sincerely blown me away to truly sit, meditate, and ask myself some really hard questions about what it means to allow God to love on me, to allow that love to reek havoc on my insides and cause me to do things for Him and for others that I wouldn’t dream of doing!
I’m in the beginning stages of just learning what it means to allow God to fully love me, to receive, and then be able to love in a way that glorifies Him. To completely love God, to completely love myself (can’t love your neighbor as yourself if you are your own worst enemy, tricky!), and to therefore be able to completely love others…. boldly, fearlessly, and recklessly. In the everyday mundane and the places that sting, in the betrayals, loss, and suffering. In a way that’s sacrificial, bold, and daring. In a way that Honors Him and that rocks our World, in a way that’s radical and constant.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Killer Koalas!
So I’m at the Sydney Wildlife World with my aunt and her daughter in-law, Madeline, and we’re having a great time checking out the animals and just walking around. The Koala Bear section is at the top on the roof and they basically rip you off by secluding the Koalas, however you can get a better look if you decide to pay to get a photo with them. Madeline wants me to get my picture taken with the Koalas and insists on paying for it as her gift to me. I think it’s sweet, I like the Koalas, and a cheesy photo sounds like a deal. So they have 2 little Koalas in a tree, one on the right which you CANNOT touch, and one on the left which you CAN pet, but only on it’s back. I learn that Koalas are nocturnal and so the photographer tells me that they have a span of 5 minutes before these Koalas totally crash and there’s a line of people waiting for their photo with the little guys, so it’s a very quick in and out sorta thing. I stand next to the tree like I’m told and she says, in a very Aussie accent of course, “you can touch it’s back, but not it’s head, and it’s only this one that you can touch”…. “great!” I reply enthusiastically as I place my hand on the little sleepy guy’s back and pet it. He’s soft and wicked cuute!! I then move my hand and just touch the branch above his soft little back when all of a sudden, the little dude on the right who’s a bit more awake and alert, slowly bends his head down and bites me!!!!! I quickly move my hand and shriek then laugh hysterically. Seriously, it was so quick and yet in slow motion, the oddest thing ever! He really didn’t bite me hard, it was just a quick little bitey ☺ I think for a second maybe he thought I was some fancy leaf, but he was so chill about it, didn’t even react at all, it was hilarious in my opinion!! The photographer of course is like freaking out and worried, probably because she should be as there are liability issues and people are watching, but I assure her that I’m fine although I’m a bit surprised by it. She finally takes the picture, and I leave, still laughing. If I’m gonna get bit, I want it to be a something real and dramatic, an adventurous story…like surviving a shark attack…but a who gets bit by a Koala?? So lame! It wasn’t even a bite, it was like a nibble/finger massage….only me. You can’t take me anywhere ☺
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
What the Crap?!!...No, Really, What is this Crap??
It’s Tuesday, March 18, 2008 and I’m at the Botanical Gardens. The weather is incredible! It’s hot, sunny, and windy…and I love it! I’m totally sunburned yet again…this is with sun block friends, the sun here is killer!! Anywho, I’m walking around by myself taking pictures and once I’m in the creative groove, sometimes I loose track of time, surroundings, and general happenings. I’m totally into this little fountain that’s near the Governor’s House in the Garden, the little pond has these really cool looking leaves growing out from underneath and few really interesting looking flowers. I lay down on the edge and I’m basically hanging over the ledge trying to capture the beauty before me. As I’m desperately trying not to fall in, yet wanting to reach as far as I can for just the right photo…you all know how I am when it comes to photography, I love it and have been sort of an amateur photographer since my freshman year in High School. It’s one of my favorite artistic vises and so I’m really lost in wanting to capture this really interesting fountain, leaves, flowers, and filthy pond. I’m disturbed by these weirdo looking birds that happen to fly over inches away from me and begin drinking from the fountain. Immediately I shift my attention to them and quietly move enough to take a picture without scaring them away, as I shift, I all of sudden feel something mushy and warm under my left hand. I slowly left my hand in time to see that I had planted myself in some weirdo animal’s doo doo. I’m totally grossed out, but I’m cracking up of course, and get up to see that it’s also on my left leg…ewe! Needless to say the photo session came to a halt. I’m afraid to touch anything because I’m covered in some kinda bird poop…I’m also desperately praying that’s bird poop and not some dude who got lazy and decided to just go on the side of this pond…you never know folks, people have done crazier things! I look down and notice that a nice chuck of yellow-brown mush is also on my light blue shirt…awesome. Although I have relinquished my idea of wanting to marry a Hot British Musician, I have since opened up the possibility that a Hot Aussie Musician would do…in this tragic case however, yellow funk from some bird’s trunk is not going to get you any dude, Hot or Not! I start to casually check the rest of my outfit without looking like I’m a total idiot. Nothing on the skirt, right leg looks good…ok; it’s just the left hand, leg, and bottom of my shirt. My immediate response is to just dip my nastified hand into the pond, only to gross myself even more, because seriously dude, it’s like a Petri Dish of animal fesses and funktified who-knows-what in there! I secretly pray that I don’t catch gonorrhea and move quickly in the direction of a bathroom paying close attention to not touch anything so that I don’t get this stuff smeared all over the camera and my purse. I walk and walk and can’t find a flippin’ restroom, but I do find a tiny water fountain…that’s right, I totally washed my hand as best as I could in that water fountain while feeling guilty that others after me would be drinking from the same fountain…I know, I’m an awful person!! But seriously, the poops were getting crusty in the heat and like drying on my skin, what would you do?! It was a very quick wash, sprits if you will, just enough to hold me till I could find a real place or rest. For the love of God, where’s the restroom?? I walk 20 minutes or so to the Opera House, so embarrassing, walk in their nice bathroom and wash away. I must’ve washed my hands at least 3 times, then scrubbed my poop crusted leg, washed my hands again, then washed the corner of my shirt, washed my hands again, then casually walked out. But since I used their facility, I felt guilty and obligated to purchase something, so I decided to go on the guided tour of the Opera House that’s about to start in 5 minutes. It’s the least that I can do since I practically half-bathed in their really nice restroom. $32 dollars later, and poopie free…although the origin of this poo poo is still a mystery…I would have to say that this was the most expensive half-bath ever and this flippin’ animal better be almost extinct or really cute, because honestly, spas are cheaper! I would highly recommend the Opera House guided tour though ☺ I’m happy to report that the Opera House is glorious, one of the most incredible structures, and has the most TREMEDOUS theatre space I’ve ever seen! Acting is my passion friends, and this space is phenomenonal…gorgeous and incredibly unique Theatre and Music space. I’m such a sucker for the Arts…all of it…*sigh*
So the moral of the story is this kids, Creative is good, Crap is bad. In any Country, in any shape, form, or smell…it’s just never been good. And it does get crusty if it’s really hot out, which makes it even worse. So get creative, don’t get crap, and if you do, wash off immediately and preferably not in a public drinking fountain.
So the moral of the story is this kids, Creative is good, Crap is bad. In any Country, in any shape, form, or smell…it’s just never been good. And it does get crusty if it’s really hot out, which makes it even worse. So get creative, don’t get crap, and if you do, wash off immediately and preferably not in a public drinking fountain.
Friday, January 4, 2008
What do you see?
I just finished watching this movie called "Freedom Writers"...well, I sorta walked in halfway through, but it was enough to get me thinking. In the movie this teacher, Miss G, inspires her class of at risk students to see past their junk and to see their full potential. She sees past their behavior problems, attitude, and hard exterior into the real them...she looks at them with great hope, care, and love.
After I graduated from Penn State I got accepted into a program called Teach For America, this program focuses on educational inequality and purposefully places teachers in urban and rural areas that are extremely rough. These are some of the worst schools in the U.S. and in some of the toughest parts. I was placed in a school that had a 50% dropout rate in the projects and was primarily made of Black and some Hispanic students. The area was number one in AIDS/HIV, teenage pregnancy, and drug trafficking. Filled with extreme poverty, some major drug problems, as well as violence.... the community as a whole was in a very desperate condition. I was placed in a behavioral classroom because none of the other teachers would teach these students. They were known as the worst of the worst, and in a place this rough, that's pretty bad! Their ages ranged from 14 to 21, and I was 22 years young and fresh out of college. By law they needed to be served till the age of 21 because of their severe behavioral and emotional problems.
As I watched this movie, it made me really miss my students. It took me back to that time and that place that seems stuck somewhere in my mind. To this day I've never really figured out how to translate my experience and how to share it with others. It took me to a time where I thought, "God I so desperately want to make a difference in these students' lives, but where in the world do I begin? And how?" I can remember all their faces, names, looks, and ridiculous behaviors. Most importantly, I can relate to her desire to see them succeed and having eyes to see them as so much more than they've ever seen themselves as. I have plenty of insane stories, memories of things that seem completely surreal and just plain outrageous! I remember the very first fight that broke out in my class and how terrified I was...how in the world do I stop a 6 foot dude from punching a 5 foot girl in the face?? I couldn't even believe that physical fights broke out between guys and girls; I figured it would be at least same gender. But I can also remember that same guy thanking me when he passed his exam that would allow him the chance to graduate, something that he never thought he could achieve. He didn't even really know how to thank me, he sorta stuttered and said something along the lines of "Ay, Miss A., I just wanna say...you know, I'm just sayin', you know...thanks". I remember telling him that I had nothing to do with his success, that he was able to achieve this because he worked hard and that he was able to accomplish even greater things. I told him that I was extremely proud of him and that he needed to go home and tell his mom how well he's done...and that he now has a chance to graduate. It was one the most cherished moments for me and I will forever remember it. I have many hard stories mixed in with many wonderful ones too and several things that I learned as I journeyed alongside some of these so-called "behavioral students". But one of the greatest things that I learned was that we need to look at people with great hope, anticipation, and that we need push them to reach their full potential. Many had given up on these students and many viewed me as "the young naive teacher who's way too idealistic and just doesn't know any better". I'd rather fall under that banner time and time again, then land where so many have landed...in hopelessness and giving up on these incredible students.
You see, God sees people...He really SEES THEM!! They matter to Him. He looks at you and me and sees us where we're at, but also where we can be and could be. He looks at me with eyes full of GREAT HOPE, POTENTIAL, and HE CHEERS FOR ME EVEN WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING!!!!!! His unfailing love pushes us to be the people that we've never thought we could be, His love says "I know you, I know where you're right in this moment, I know your mess ups and mistakes, and I also know who you can be...and who you are. YOU ARE NOT DISPOSABLE. You are my child, I delight over you, you bring me joy, I sing over you because you make my heart skip when I see you...I not only love you, but I really, really like you too! I'm crazy about you, you matter, and you are good...so, so incredibly good. Regardless of your past, your future is FULL of new and promising things; life changing things! I just can't wait for you to see yourself as you really are."
One thing that would stick in my mind every morning before my students walked into the room was this crazy statement that I heard in my training...."For every bad or negative thing that a person hears, seven positive or good things need to be communicated to that person in order to just bring them back to square one." This basically means that I need to meaningfully and truthfully articulate seven positive things to them in order to just bring them back to equilibrium, to bring them back to the starting point. It's not even a compliment; it's just the basic starting grounds! I thought about that everyday as my students would walk in and I would wonder, "How many bad things were said to you today? How many awful things were hurled in your direction?" And I would make it a point to celebrate them, to sincerely point out the good that I saw and make sure to name it specifically...to speak HOPE into them! They thought I was crazy..."Dag Miss A, you always say this crazy stuff, you exaggerate". You see, they didn't believe that there was any good in them, they were taught for so long that they were disposable and "bad", and they sadly believed it. Then I come around and say the exact opposite because I know that God sees them as not just "ok or good, but GREAT!"...He sees them with eyes of Hope! It took a while for them to believe it, but they slowly began to change and for some of them it was the first time that anyone has ever believe in them or thought anything good about them. By the end of the year, these so-called "failures" stunned an Administration by passing the exam that had kept them from graduating time and again. No students had passed it the year before me, and there were 15 teachers in and out of that room, I was the first EVER full-time teacher that they had! By the end of my first year teaching, 32 students passed, setting the highest number of "bad" kids passing this exam in the entire history of the school!! They had never, ever seen that happened.
I don't share this to "toot my own horn"; in fact, it's the complete opposite. I share this as a testimony to what GOD can do when we allow Him to use us and when we begin to see people through HIS EYES! When we begin to ask for His Perspective, His Hope, and His Love...He changes us and those around us as well because He unveils our eyes to see the worth of people, the value, and the great, great potential and hope. He brings beauty to the ashes that surround us. He makes us a sweet fragrance in a place that can seem dry, sour, and harsh. I'm not this amazing teacher, I just loved these students like crazy and they knew that I deeply cared for them. I just bought into what God says about people...they matter and they are good and not one single one is disposable or hopeless. Every single person matters to Him and therefore should matter to us. I hope that God continues to unveil our eyes to see the great beauty around us, His greatest treasure, His greatest masterpiece, His greatest love...people.
After I graduated from Penn State I got accepted into a program called Teach For America, this program focuses on educational inequality and purposefully places teachers in urban and rural areas that are extremely rough. These are some of the worst schools in the U.S. and in some of the toughest parts. I was placed in a school that had a 50% dropout rate in the projects and was primarily made of Black and some Hispanic students. The area was number one in AIDS/HIV, teenage pregnancy, and drug trafficking. Filled with extreme poverty, some major drug problems, as well as violence.... the community as a whole was in a very desperate condition. I was placed in a behavioral classroom because none of the other teachers would teach these students. They were known as the worst of the worst, and in a place this rough, that's pretty bad! Their ages ranged from 14 to 21, and I was 22 years young and fresh out of college. By law they needed to be served till the age of 21 because of their severe behavioral and emotional problems.
As I watched this movie, it made me really miss my students. It took me back to that time and that place that seems stuck somewhere in my mind. To this day I've never really figured out how to translate my experience and how to share it with others. It took me to a time where I thought, "God I so desperately want to make a difference in these students' lives, but where in the world do I begin? And how?" I can remember all their faces, names, looks, and ridiculous behaviors. Most importantly, I can relate to her desire to see them succeed and having eyes to see them as so much more than they've ever seen themselves as. I have plenty of insane stories, memories of things that seem completely surreal and just plain outrageous! I remember the very first fight that broke out in my class and how terrified I was...how in the world do I stop a 6 foot dude from punching a 5 foot girl in the face?? I couldn't even believe that physical fights broke out between guys and girls; I figured it would be at least same gender. But I can also remember that same guy thanking me when he passed his exam that would allow him the chance to graduate, something that he never thought he could achieve. He didn't even really know how to thank me, he sorta stuttered and said something along the lines of "Ay, Miss A., I just wanna say...you know, I'm just sayin', you know...thanks". I remember telling him that I had nothing to do with his success, that he was able to achieve this because he worked hard and that he was able to accomplish even greater things. I told him that I was extremely proud of him and that he needed to go home and tell his mom how well he's done...and that he now has a chance to graduate. It was one the most cherished moments for me and I will forever remember it. I have many hard stories mixed in with many wonderful ones too and several things that I learned as I journeyed alongside some of these so-called "behavioral students". But one of the greatest things that I learned was that we need to look at people with great hope, anticipation, and that we need push them to reach their full potential. Many had given up on these students and many viewed me as "the young naive teacher who's way too idealistic and just doesn't know any better". I'd rather fall under that banner time and time again, then land where so many have landed...in hopelessness and giving up on these incredible students.
You see, God sees people...He really SEES THEM!! They matter to Him. He looks at you and me and sees us where we're at, but also where we can be and could be. He looks at me with eyes full of GREAT HOPE, POTENTIAL, and HE CHEERS FOR ME EVEN WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING!!!!!! His unfailing love pushes us to be the people that we've never thought we could be, His love says "I know you, I know where you're right in this moment, I know your mess ups and mistakes, and I also know who you can be...and who you are. YOU ARE NOT DISPOSABLE. You are my child, I delight over you, you bring me joy, I sing over you because you make my heart skip when I see you...I not only love you, but I really, really like you too! I'm crazy about you, you matter, and you are good...so, so incredibly good. Regardless of your past, your future is FULL of new and promising things; life changing things! I just can't wait for you to see yourself as you really are."
One thing that would stick in my mind every morning before my students walked into the room was this crazy statement that I heard in my training...."For every bad or negative thing that a person hears, seven positive or good things need to be communicated to that person in order to just bring them back to square one." This basically means that I need to meaningfully and truthfully articulate seven positive things to them in order to just bring them back to equilibrium, to bring them back to the starting point. It's not even a compliment; it's just the basic starting grounds! I thought about that everyday as my students would walk in and I would wonder, "How many bad things were said to you today? How many awful things were hurled in your direction?" And I would make it a point to celebrate them, to sincerely point out the good that I saw and make sure to name it specifically...to speak HOPE into them! They thought I was crazy..."Dag Miss A, you always say this crazy stuff, you exaggerate". You see, they didn't believe that there was any good in them, they were taught for so long that they were disposable and "bad", and they sadly believed it. Then I come around and say the exact opposite because I know that God sees them as not just "ok or good, but GREAT!"...He sees them with eyes of Hope! It took a while for them to believe it, but they slowly began to change and for some of them it was the first time that anyone has ever believe in them or thought anything good about them. By the end of the year, these so-called "failures" stunned an Administration by passing the exam that had kept them from graduating time and again. No students had passed it the year before me, and there were 15 teachers in and out of that room, I was the first EVER full-time teacher that they had! By the end of my first year teaching, 32 students passed, setting the highest number of "bad" kids passing this exam in the entire history of the school!! They had never, ever seen that happened.
I don't share this to "toot my own horn"; in fact, it's the complete opposite. I share this as a testimony to what GOD can do when we allow Him to use us and when we begin to see people through HIS EYES! When we begin to ask for His Perspective, His Hope, and His Love...He changes us and those around us as well because He unveils our eyes to see the worth of people, the value, and the great, great potential and hope. He brings beauty to the ashes that surround us. He makes us a sweet fragrance in a place that can seem dry, sour, and harsh. I'm not this amazing teacher, I just loved these students like crazy and they knew that I deeply cared for them. I just bought into what God says about people...they matter and they are good and not one single one is disposable or hopeless. Every single person matters to Him and therefore should matter to us. I hope that God continues to unveil our eyes to see the great beauty around us, His greatest treasure, His greatest masterpiece, His greatest love...people.
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