Flusher Flukes

My friend got married this weekend and it was such an amazing time!
It was also an enlightening time for me because I realized just how much I hate automatic toilet flushers. The wedding was in Indiana and we were driving from Pennsylvania. 12 hours into the trip and many potty stops later, I remembered how much I sincerely abhor automatic flushers. In fact, I may have yelled "I hate automatic flushers!" in one of the public restrooms only to have another woman chime in "me too!" We then connected on the 'woes of automatic flushers', and let me tell you, there are many!

One: I hate that before I've even sat down, it begins flushing! I call this the 'anxious flusher'. Little guy, chill. I just opened the door, why are you so sensitive?! Not only is that a complete waste of water, but it's also annoying.

Two: Then you have what I'd like to call the 'eager flusher'. You know, the one that's constantly flushing the ENTIRE flippin' time you're on! The main reason why I hate this one is because it makes me feel slow. Like I'm some kind of special needs pee-er. Like somehow there's a time limit and I somehow exceeded it and therefore the little guy needs to remind me that it's time to get off... time and time again, and again. And then I end up taking longer because I'm just so nervous and can't pee with all the flushing that's happening! It's the absolute worst feeling. I've actually found myself yelling over the flushing water, "wait, I'm not done!" As if the little guy is going to hear me and adjust it's attitude. PS- it never does.

Three: Then you have the 'heck-no-I-won't-flush'. This is like the complete opposite of #2. You've sat down. You've peed. And then you're standing there.... waiting. "ok, you can flush now"... "come on, just flush!" You dance a little in front of the porcelin God, you flap your arms like you're in some weirdo Jane Fonda workout video, you wave, you jump, you turn around, shake some more. Only to realize that it's never going to budge and you feel incredibly stupid because you're sure that someone is behind that thing having a really great laugh. Then you feel even more dumb when you realize that there's a tiny little black button above the laser sensor that you can push in case the little guy is stubborn. So you reach for the button, and then he changes his mind and flushes. You've just spent a good 10 minutes dancing and sweating trying to get the laser to take notice and cooperate, only to have it go when its "found out." It's like a flush in the face.

Four: The entire thing makes me feel like it's just too easy and it's not as satisfying. I mean, what happened to the days when I had to work for my flush, you know. When I had to actually move the handle, or turn it, or twist it. I felt accomplished. I felt like I achieved something. This just feels like a rip-off. I mean, I'm the one that peed, why do you get to flush? I worked for that flush, I earned that flush. I just feel robbed. *sigh*