What the Crap?!!...No, Really, What is this Crap??

It’s Tuesday, March 18, 2008 and I’m at the Botanical Gardens. The weather is incredible! It’s hot, sunny, and windy…and I love it! I’m totally sunburned yet again…this is with sun block friends, the sun here is killer!! Anywho, I’m walking around by myself taking pictures and once I’m in the creative groove, sometimes I loose track of time, surroundings, and general happenings. I’m totally into this little fountain that’s near the Governor’s House in the Garden, the little pond has these really cool looking leaves growing out from underneath and few really interesting looking flowers. I lay down on the edge and I’m basically hanging over the ledge trying to capture the beauty before me. As I’m desperately trying not to fall in, yet wanting to reach as far as I can for just the right photo…you all know how I am when it comes to photography, I love it and have been sort of an amateur photographer since my freshman year in High School. It’s one of my favorite artistic vises and so I’m really lost in wanting to capture this really interesting fountain, leaves, flowers, and filthy pond. I’m disturbed by these weirdo looking birds that happen to fly over inches away from me and begin drinking from the fountain. Immediately I shift my attention to them and quietly move enough to take a picture without scaring them away, as I shift, I all of sudden feel something mushy and warm under my left hand. I slowly left my hand in time to see that I had planted myself in some weirdo animal’s doo doo. I’m totally grossed out, but I’m cracking up of course, and get up to see that it’s also on my left leg…ewe! Needless to say the photo session came to a halt. I’m afraid to touch anything because I’m covered in some kinda bird poop…I’m also desperately praying that’s bird poop and not some dude who got lazy and decided to just go on the side of this pond…you never know folks, people have done crazier things! I look down and notice that a nice chuck of yellow-brown mush is also on my light blue shirt…awesome. Although I have relinquished my idea of wanting to marry a Hot British Musician, I have since opened up the possibility that a Hot Aussie Musician would do…in this tragic case however, yellow funk from some bird’s trunk is not going to get you any dude, Hot or Not! I start to casually check the rest of my outfit without looking like I’m a total idiot. Nothing on the skirt, right leg looks good…ok; it’s just the left hand, leg, and bottom of my shirt. My immediate response is to just dip my nastified hand into the pond, only to gross myself even more, because seriously dude, it’s like a Petri Dish of animal fesses and funktified who-knows-what in there! I secretly pray that I don’t catch gonorrhea and move quickly in the direction of a bathroom paying close attention to not touch anything so that I don’t get this stuff smeared all over the camera and my purse. I walk and walk and can’t find a flippin’ restroom, but I do find a tiny water fountain…that’s right, I totally washed my hand as best as I could in that water fountain while feeling guilty that others after me would be drinking from the same fountain…I know, I’m an awful person!! But seriously, the poops were getting crusty in the heat and like drying on my skin, what would you do?! It was a very quick wash, sprits if you will, just enough to hold me till I could find a real place or rest. For the love of God, where’s the restroom?? I walk 20 minutes or so to the Opera House, so embarrassing, walk in their nice bathroom and wash away. I must’ve washed my hands at least 3 times, then scrubbed my poop crusted leg, washed my hands again, then washed the corner of my shirt, washed my hands again, then casually walked out. But since I used their facility, I felt guilty and obligated to purchase something, so I decided to go on the guided tour of the Opera House that’s about to start in 5 minutes. It’s the least that I can do since I practically half-bathed in their really nice restroom. $32 dollars later, and poopie free…although the origin of this poo poo is still a mystery…I would have to say that this was the most expensive half-bath ever and this flippin’ animal better be almost extinct or really cute, because honestly, spas are cheaper! I would highly recommend the Opera House guided tour though ☺ I’m happy to report that the Opera House is glorious, one of the most incredible structures, and has the most TREMEDOUS theatre space I’ve ever seen! Acting is my passion friends, and this space is phenomenonal…gorgeous and incredibly unique Theatre and Music space. I’m such a sucker for the Arts…all of it…*sigh*

So the moral of the story is this kids, Creative is good, Crap is bad. In any Country, in any shape, form, or smell…it’s just never been good. And it does get crusty if it’s really hot out, which makes it even worse. So get creative, don’t get crap, and if you do, wash off immediately and preferably not in a public drinking fountain.